it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
