So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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