If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
it was like eating out sand paper
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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