So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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