I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
