Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
