do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
