We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
