You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
