Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Randomize
