Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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