Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
