dude i'm inner monologue high
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Randomize
