I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
false alarm. still invincible.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
only you would photoshop your dick
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Randomize
