elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
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