pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
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Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
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He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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