god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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