It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
