i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
