Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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