I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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