I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
