i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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