you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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