i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
