this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
God, I missed his penis.
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