I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
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