You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
