shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Randomize
