I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
