I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
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