sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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