Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
