why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
