What a fucking waste of an outfit
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
