I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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