I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
