I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
