Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
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