why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize