this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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