Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
