There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
