why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
my vag is so smooth its legendary
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
