Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
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