The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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