It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
