when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
our cab driver is having phone sex.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
The beer is more important than you right now.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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