idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
