i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
