I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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