Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Randomize