I don't usually arrange sex via text message
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
