Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
