actually, I'm a sock model
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
My vagina just recognized that song.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
