i think my tv is drunk
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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