i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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