Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
