Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
