If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Randomize
