remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Randomize