Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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