'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
