I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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