just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
