I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
