I got chris browned last night
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
