dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
He passed out mid-signature
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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