my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
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Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
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Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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