Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
