I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Semen is not good for contacts.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Randomize
