but the lizard people decide everything anyway
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
