It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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