I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Randomize
