I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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